'With a right partner, you should never feel insecure.'

By Z.

This is an important post for me because it might be the last, or at least the last one for a while.

I will stop bothering you with my thoughts because I need to be writing other things and focusing on that for now. Also, I feel like I need to move on to something else and see how it goes. Probably, getting more experience with life and love to bring you something new, something different.

This time, the quote that I am using, 'with a right partner, you should never feel insecure,' is not something someone told me or something I heard as was the case in my other posts.

This quote that I am using is my own.

Thinking about love, what it is, and how it should be is obviously a frustrating exercise. As I tried to convey in my previous posts, I do want to fight the imperative that we have to have someone to be complete beings. I do think that this imperative is an illusion that we have created in our societies and that we have the power to unravel.The power that I am talking about is the power of the will.

Is abolishing this imperative the optimum solution? Well, I don't think that there is an optimum solution to what human relationships should look like because I believe that there shouldn't be any boundaries to setting what is 'right', or at least less boundaries. For instance, I feel that in our current societies we created an 'optimum' solution in which you are supposed to be happier if you find your someone. This is what I think and you can imagine that I get a lot of resistance to my ideas which obviously causes me frustration.

Even if I am 'fighting' the relationship imperative, I am still writing and thinking about it. To me this means, that I need to understand more relationships and my few posts here did help me in doing so.

Moreover, you can see that there are quite long lapses of time between each post which means that I got to gather a bit more 'experience' from what love is and from just living a daily life.

Sometimes this past month, I came to a powerful conclusion. Well, it might not sound so powerful to you (especially, as you already guessed it from the title), but it appeared powerful to me and maybe, I hope, to someone out there.

My powerful conclusion is that with a right person, a person of love and caring, you should not feel insecure. Full stop.

Here I would like to separate clearly insecurity and jealousy and define what I mean with each. With jealousy, I mean temporary insecurity and superficial insecurity or discomfort because deep down you still know that your partner will be there for you no matter what. With insecurity, I mean when you have doubts that your partner will be there for you or 'choose' you and what's best for you unconditionally.

I do think that, in a relationship, jealousy is quite normal and even quite common to what makes human nature. You can see forms of very early jealousy with young kids when they have a new sibling.

Therefore, even with a right partner, you would probably feel jealous from time to time and it shouldn't be a big problem because you know that your worth to them is still unchanged. 

When you feel insecure with someone, it could mean that you are not sure about how much they value you. Not valuing enough people is not only a relationship problem because it is a world problem that caused a lot of harm to humanity. For instance, in the past and in the present, people have thought that some other people are not worthy enough and should be slaves. Not valuing people enough is an assault on dignity, Human dignity (with a capital h).

Hopefully, think about this next time you feel insecure next to someone, think about what right they have to treat you like that, and think about what you ought to yourself.

Of course, you cannot change all what people think about you but, hopefully, you can have some control over picking your partner. In that case, the one quality to look for that trumps anything and everything should be feeling worthwhile and secure with that person. I think that you can trust your internal radar, or gut feeling, to tell you when you are not valued. That radar is maybe our dignity...

ANNNNND… don’t forget to do what YOU want to do. :)