‘Why don’t you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?’

By Z.

How annoying is this question!

What does it entail? The weirdness of this question is comparable to a ‘why does your nose look like that?’. Meaning, the obviousness of your situation, of not being with someone, does not need an explanation. It is like that because it can be like that.

If I don't have a someone, it doesn't make me in any way incomplete. Of course, there are benefits for being in a relationship (any kind of relationship) that range from emotional to financial but relationships can also come at costs that range from emotional to financial. It is how it is.

So next time you get that question, why not ask back your interlocutor: ‘Why do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?’

Would they answer something like: Because it is normal to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Because I like to be with someone? Because I hate to be single?

Here, you can kindly explain that these answers are obviously subjective and cannot be generalized, if they, hopefully, don’t get it by themselves already.

Another thing to keep in mind, is that expectations on a ‘need’ to be with someone are social constructs forged by a mixture of traditions, rituals, and religions. From the dawn of humanity, people have been with people not always out of love obviously. It became ‘normal’ to be with someone because of the large number of reasons to be with someone: reproduction, power, trade, and last but not least love.

Today, those reasons still exist but human progress in fields of medicine, politics, rights, and governance have made these reasons less stringent.

Being single is a status that deserves respect. Being single is not a pity or a failure as some people say or as some ‘norms’ suggest.

If one is single and doesn't want to be that way, you are not really helping them by increasing their frustration when asking ‘why’.

If one is single and satisfied, you would just look stupid and close-minded if you try to take away their satisfaction by insisting on the ‘why’. It is also mean!

Another thing to keep in mind, is that there are times when you can be single inside a relationship. Indeed, you can be with someone but, for a period of time, feel that your person is detached from the central action in your life. This can mean that maybe our ‘natural’ status is to be single units. We may share lives and loves but how can we share our minds and being! There are some parts of our minds that may remain forever ‘single’.

ANNNNND… don’t forget to do what YOU want to do. :)