By Z.
When single, were you asked whether your standards are too high?
Let's try to analyze this question. The purpose of this question might be to make you feel guilty about your state of celibacy, again implying that it is wrong not to be with someone. Of course, it usually comes with a malicious smile that says 'I am joking but deeply, I mean it'. This might suggest that in order to be saved from your 'sad' state of celibacy, you need to be 'approachable' and lower your standards.
I want to suggest three perspectives to consider when implying that someone's standards on other people need to be lowered.
First, it can be the case that some people's standards are too 'high'. Meaning, they expect a flawless person which corresponds exactly to what they want, which, by the way, can be extremely selfish (as they probably overlook what the counterpart expects from them too) and unlikely. Another danger in setting the standards too high is focusing on finding 'problems' with people instead of using that time to develop one's self, or just minding one's own business. Nevertheless, we should not forget that some people manage to both elevate the 'standards' on themselves and expect the 'return'. This might help 'legitimize' their high standards...
Though, they can change, and their perfect match can change too.
Second, it is possible that the standards are actually not too 'high'. In fact, the standards are neither too high nor too low because the person just cares less about standards. The attempt, therefore, to make them feel guilty is not only a waste of time but also a proof that the assumption that people need to be with someone is wrong.
Third, it is possible that the standards are actually pretty 'low'. This person was perhaps told several times that they need to be with someone and need to be proactive about it. By repeating this piece of unwelcome advice, the person dropped all minimal expectations, such as honesty, and is ready to be with with 'any' body. This could obviously be dangerous, but the most dangerous is telling them once again that 'you must have really high standards' suggesting they should lessen them even more.
If you get this question, you might consider these three perspectives. You might want to 'lower' the standards, 'raise' the standards, or just keep them as they are. You might also continue ignoring happily so called 'standards' and suggestions that you need to be with someone, because you can be just with yourself.
ANNNNND… don’t forget to do what YOU want to do. :)
